Also known, more truthfully, as Round 0, we gather here today to mark the passing of the AFL's Opening Round.
A concept so confused it couldn't even decide what number it was.
From the outset, this thing made no sense. Not “needs a tweak,” not “give it time.” It just didn't stack up.
And yet the AFL charged on with the energy of Homer Simpson chasing his pig down the street.
“It's just a little airborne, it's still good! It's still good!”
That was Tom Harley calling it “unbelievably important.”
That was Andrew Dillon insisting it wasn't taking anything away from Round 1.
That was the party line while the rest of the footy world checked the fixture several times and still couldn't explain it to a mate even if your club did feature in it.
The pitch was simple. Own NSW and Queensland early while the NRL was off in Las Vegas. Beat them to the punch.
Except they never actually played on that weekend. It was always held the weekend after.
Then came the spin from the “development markets”. This was their moment. Their showcase. Their big, brave idea. You'd think it was revolutionising the sport.
In reality, it played like an Ansett Cup game that someone accidentally gave ladder positions and premiership points for.
Four games. Then five. Then byes before Round 1 even existed. Half the competition missing while fans tried to work out if the season had started or was this some sort of extended dress rehearsal.
It wasn't just bad. It was confusing. And footy should never require a flow chart in March.
Meanwhile, the heartland got iced out of its own season launch. Victoria, South Australia and WA sitting there like they'd been left on read.
Even the historians refused to humour it. AFL Tables looked at Opening Round, shrugged, and wiped it from existence and just referred to it as Round 1 with byes.
“Opening Round or Round 0 makes no sense… therefore is ignored.”
That's not critique. That's a savage burn.
