Mark 'Bomber' Thompson says his life and love of football crumbled around him following a string of drug offence charges earlier this year.
In a candid interview with the Herald Sun yesterday, the disgraced former coach revealed his love for footballย โ the game that made him a household name โ is gone, on an emotional rollercoaster in the wake of police raids of his Port Melbourne home.ย
Thompson briefly appeared in court on Thursday facing seven serious drug-related charges, including the alleged trafficking and possession of methamphetamine, ecstasy, ephedrine, LSD and MDMA.
He discussed the fallout from Essendon's supplements saga, a tier of failed marriages and an ongoing battle with mental health - as well as an estrangement from friends and family.
โIโm just sad. Iโm just disappointed. I lost my friendships, Iโve lost my social life,โย he told the Herald Sun.
โAll the people Iโve grown up with are around footy, and I donโt like footy any more. I donโt want to talk about footy, I havenโt seen footy.
"I was married for the second time and I totally wrecked that. And I did it, I wrecked it.''
Thompson confessed to the Herald Sun that he had become obsessed with clearing his name; now wanting complete separation from the AFL.
In a desperate email to Essendon chairman David Evans, described as "deluded rantings" by football commentator Caroline Wilson, Thompson begged Evans to "save" both his life and Hird's, who had allegedly overdosed.
โJames will die if you continue to let the world bully him. Your former best friend will die fighting for the cause ... You need to save my life and that of James Hird, Danny Corcoran, Dr Bruce Reid and 34 current and past players" the statement read.
"Itโs time to start fighting for the truth for all our sakes, and most importantly for the playersโ sake. They deserve to know everything we know about this fiasco. Itโs time we all stood up and right the wrong.
"All we had set out to do was to find the truth. Thatโs all the players want โฆ they just wanted to know what went in their bodies, and we havenโt been able to tell them.โ
Thompson also confessed to his battle with depression and PTSD following the scandal outbreak, which he said completely consumed him.
โWhat I was reading about what we had done to our players was just nothing like what I had seen โ and I couldnโt handle that,โ he said.
โIโd get up at 1am and read the next daysโ news and what was going to be on talkback radio that day โ and it just affected my sleep, it affected my personal life.
The former premiership coach and player also underscored the importance of shedding light on mental health, especially for men in an era of exaggerated masculinity.
"I was surprised at how emotional I was when I started talking," Thompson said.
โI donโt reckon men are that well equipped to deal with these sorts of things. We sort of just go in a cave, we donโt talk to anyone and we think itโs going to go away โ and it doesnโt go away โ it gets progressively worse, actually.
Thompson, who was not charged with any crimes until May 1, is under strict bail conditions despite police suspicion he was a flight risk given his access to a yacht and large sums of money.
Thompson is also tethered to police three times a week - in addition, he is to pay a $20,000 surety and to notify police of any football commitment travels.
He said the "politics of the game" were what broke him over time - but that time will end up healing him.
Thompson stressed that, although he has a long road to recovery, he is committed to seeing it to fruition.
"There's still a fair bit of work to do. It's good to get help actually. I feel better doing it."
