AFL umpire furore: Adults treating others like adults? I’d like to see that

"He didn't just say that, did he??"

I'll never forget the day my Dad dropped the "magic word" in front of as part of telling me a joke as I sat in the front seat of our silver EA Falcon on the way to footy training one night.

I looked at him with a smirk, eyes bulging wide, 13 years old, in disbelief that the man who ran a pretty bloody tight ship at home – and would never allow such profanity to come out of my mouth in his company – lowered his guard.

I respected him and loved him more for that. For trusting me. For letting me in. For treating me like an adult.

I've been thinking about that a lot in the last couple of days as I try to rationalise the impossible situation the game found itself in as a result of umpire Nick Foot's match-day report of Port Adelaide champion, Zak Butters.

As has been said by many, it should never have gotten to a situation where an independent (but AFL appointed) tribunal panel were asked to take a side in a “he said/he said” fight.

It should have been mediated between the parties on Monday, especially once the inconvenient disappearance of the umpire audio was known, where a joint statement was made that this was nothing more than a miscommunication of what happened in the moment.

For the tribunal panel to side with Foot, the AFL's man, they would have to call into question the integrity of not one, but TWO of the games most decorated players. As a result, your playing cohort feel like “the deck is stacked against them” when it comes to judicial matters as the new AFLPA boss, James Gallagher, articulated on radio SEN on Tuesday morning.

To side with Butters - and Wines - you effectively accuse one of your most experienced whistleblowers of making up an allegation that strikes at the very core of the task that Australian Rules umpires are charged with across the country every week. You also undermine the relationship with your entire umpiring panel who rely on your support more than anyone in the game.

Both scenarios are hardly ideal and either way, the barrier between umpires and players that exists in the modern game widens unnecessarily.

For what it's worth, I have little doubt that Foot's version of events is exactly as he heard them. I also have little doubt that Butters' (and Brownlow Medal winning teammate, Ollie Wines') version of events is as they remember them as well.

Both can be true – hence the "miscommunication" statement that should have been made.

What does this have to do with my old man dropping the "bomb"? I'm glad you asked…

I see umpiring very similarly to parenting. Your job is to enforce the boundaries that have been created and guide them in their endeavours.

Sometimes you might even need to bring out "the stick" to keep things under control and progress on the right path. You're going to be unpopular at times … and while that can certainly sting, you know full well that is a part of your job. As time progresses, so too does your relationship and you find joy in that.

The problem with modern day umpiring is it hasn't evolved with the evolution of modern day parenting. In fact, you could say it has gone in the total opposite direction!

In parenting, the kids used to be “seen and not heard” especially when the “adults are talking”, but now they are a part of the conversation and entitled to express their views more freely. The "carrot" is preferred to the stick. No doubt some miss the balance of that, but you get my point.

In footy, the players used to be a part of the conversation and entitled to express their views more freely. But these days they are effectively asked to be seen and not heard, especially when the umpires are talking.

The really distressing part of this whole problem is that the 'barrier' that has been created in recent years between the players and umpires is totally man-made. Umpires are now effectively forced to play the role of the "old school" police officer under the laws of the game, which wasn't always the case.

All we hear about in footy these days is "connection". Connection between teammates on-field and off, connection between players and the fans, connection between stakeholders, you get the gist. But what about the connection between players and umpires? The lawmakers have made that nigh on impossible!

Now, umpires are directed to be more authoritarian in their behaviours. There is little to no on field camaraderie and certainly no banter. Umpires are never allowed to let down their guard and, unlike Dad, let the players in.

The "talk to the hand" mentality is childish and petulant and should be walked back significantly. It does nothing to foster respect or goodwill between the game's most critical participants and in doing so, creates nothing more than frustration and angst for players and fans alike.

I hazard a guess that all umpires would love to be able to engage on a more personal level with players even in heated moments, within reason of course, as much to enhance their own experience of being a part of the AFL as anything else. A show of empathy, humanity or dare I say it, personality, would ultimately create that sense of respect and trust that is so sorely missing.

Sure, lines might sometimes get crossed but that's when Dad would bring out the stick and umpires can bring out the whistle or the book. That's the job.

One more thing, microphones on umpires should be muted during play. The sound can be turned up for major incidents and decisions when needed and you can record all the audio for later requirements (ironic?), but they are one of the man-made barriers we can rip down immediately.

Let the warriors express themselves without fear of repercussion because Jimmy in the Under 12s heard him swear on the TV. You might one day even see a smirk, eyes bulging wide, of a player that hears an umpire drop the "magic" like Dad. A bond formed forever. Respect and trust given. Adults treating each other like adults.

To borrow a line from an old AFL slogan … "I'd like to see that".

Daniel Harford played 162 AFL games (153 at Hawthorn and 9 at Carlton). He is co-host of Zero Hanger's Six Points podcast.