If all 18 AFL coaches were school teachers

Despite operating well beyond the boundaries of a classroom, many of the tactics and implements employed by football coaches are mirrored by academic educators everywhere. Punctuality, precision, performance and progression are paramount in both professions. So with this in mind, we wondered what all 18 AFL coaches would be like if they traded the coach's box for the classroom Matthew Nicks After completing his studies to an HD standard, Mr. Nicks enjoyed a pair of breezy placement periods at some high-end schools. However, after a year teaching a pack of misfits, dullards, truants and clowns, Nicks now finds himself on probation and glad that he entered the job bald. His lessons aren't lacking in enthusiasm, his Year Sevens just won't listen. Now spending the entirety of his break devising an altered set of lesson plans, Nicks is praying to pedagogical gods that some of it actually gets through to them next year. https://twitter.com/FootyonNine/status/1290281515587379200 Chris Fagan Having remained at University to complete his PhD, Dr. Fagan entered the educational vocation much later than many of his counterparts. With his credentials speaking for themselves, Fagan was given the role as molding some of the school's brightest young minds. His lesson plans ebb and flow between strictly from the syllabus to off the cuff philosophical messages. Now thriving in the role that everyone else passed up, Fagan's class of precocious pupils hands in high quality homework, however, they still struggle come test time. Although he's known to raise his voice, his students love him like an elderly relative. https://twitter.com/FootyonNine/status/1295335118748422144 David Teague Mr. Teague is close to everyone's favourite teacher whether it be inside the classroom or out. His softly, softly approach is beginning to bear fruit with his previously under achieving and confused class of juniors. Always first to put his hand up for extracurricular activities and also a deadest demon on the down ball court while on yard duty, Teague blends work and play perfectly. Should his early teaching results continue, he'll be in the Principal's seat before too long. https://twitter.com/CarltonFC/status/1294212669101178880 Nathan Buckley You've been dreading it all summer – a year in Mr. Buckley's English class. His playground reputation is that of a tyrant. He's strict, he's mean, and he doesn't tolerate tomfoolery. You shuffle in day one and are met with his stern glare. You put your head down and get to work. The A's and B's start rolling in and soon you find that all of the other kids in the playground are full of it – the bloke is alright, and he actually has a sense of humour. Results are everything for Mr. Buckley, so if you listen up and pay respect, you'll get it back in spades. Mess around however, and you'll regret you were ever born. As a man of vast knowledge and experience, his lessons are known to stray to matters outside the classroom. https://twitter.com/thefrontbar7/status/1011927836586676224 Ben Rutten After finishing his footy career, Rutten hit the books and graduated with a degree in health. As AFL High School's new P.E teacher, Mr. Rutten is enjoying putting his new students through their paces. Irrespective of the weather, Rutten is perpetually clad in sunglasses and shorts. His trusty whistle is also never too far from his mouth. An imposing figure, he thrives on teaching the fundamentals of all sports and treating your body like a temple. Chit chat is kept at a minimum in his gym, as even the Year 12's are threatened by his truck-like chassis. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZu-Mtot240 Justin Longmuir As one of the school's youngest members of staff, Mr. Longmuir was naturally assigned one of the institution's Year 7 classes. Having completed his education in the same place as his students, a special bond is shared between the Shepard and his flock. However, as an underachiever in his schoolboy days, Longmuir wants his class to set their sights higher. https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1237699552477499394 Affectionately called ‘J.Lo', Longmuir is young enough to understand the reference and cool enough to let it slide. Like Mr. Teague, Longmuir's fresh approach to education has won him fans from the playground to the staff room. Expect the pair to be running the place soon. Chris Scott Previously a young student teacher, Mr. Scott has progressed up the ranks to Vice Principal. Still a physically imposing presence, Scott has returned from the summer holidays with a blinding tan and the addition of a well-groomed beard. https://twitter.com/ashwilliams1/status/1314094237227520001 Some say he was kicking back by the pool for the entirety of the break, but the truth is that his head was buried in a mountain of books upskilling. Mr. Scott has a well-known motto around the school – play when it's time to play and work when it's time to work. The ignoramuses of the school can't figure out what he does all day, but the high achievers have a great relationship with him. Still gunning for the top job, Scott's days in the educational game are unlikely to end until he is promoted to Principal. Stuart Dew Mr. Dew is the king of the kids in his role as the accelerated learning officer and boarding school coordinator Unlike his midriff, his approach to education isn't soft, and unlike Mr. Nicks' class his kids actually listen to him. With educational progression irrespective of recorded results, Mr. Dew's class remains different to the others, but with financial pressures facing the school and a mooted plan for expansion, Dew is still subjected to a few sleepless nights here and there. Many of his most precocious pupils have moved on to better and brighter educational facilities, however, when one leaves, an equally intelligent mind invariably replaces them. Dew's job is made easy by the work rate of his students, and at times, it appears that they are actually teaching him. https://twitter.com/js_kay/status/1293484622412537857 Leon Cameron Having once enjoyed both of Stuart Dew's current titles, Leon Cameron longs for the days when results didn't define his position. However, after achieving superb results with his class of boarders, Mr. Cameron's training wheels were taken off at the end of at the end of 2019. With more than a few wobbles in his first year back in standardized schooling, Cameron has been in lengthy discussions with the board of education about reinstating the crutches. After being informed that a handful of his boarders have returned home ahead of next semester, Mr. Cameron's hair is set to appear far greyer on school photo day. https://twitter.com/7AFL/status/1306937085048156160 Alastair Clarkson After a terrific career as one of AFL High's greatest ever Principals, Mr. Clarkson has embarked on a new challenge – a return to his roots as a junior educator. After beginning his days as a teacher in 2005, Clarkson's new form of teaching revolutionized the position. His student's results spoke for themselves and despite his propensity for verbally berating his pupils, parent's everywhere were desperate to get their kids into his class. Always willing to adapt and evolve, Mr. Clarkson's new bunch of kids will be all ears when the new year kicks off. That is unless he'll be imparting wisdom via his untuned six string. https://twitter.com/hawthornfc/status/1007777792388239360?lang=en Simon Goodwin Despite having a rapport with all of his student's, Simon Goodwin is a bit of a disaster in his role as the school's home economics teacher. The school budget has time and again afforded Mr. Goodwin top quality ingredients for his classes; however, he has consistently proven that he is unable to stop burning them. He pulled a perfectly cooked apple turnover from the oven a couple of years ago, but he dropped it prior to serving. Students enjoy his class as they feel it is a bit of a bludge, but should Goodwin prepare some altered recipes next season, the results might shift from brown omlettes to Bombe Alaska. https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1006026098423955456 David Noble Much like Dr. Fagan, Mr. Noble has spent the vast majority of his adult life at University. At 53, Noble now enters the teaching profession faced with the inauspicious task of turning a broken class around. When he enters the classroom for his first day on the job, Mr. Noble will find that one of his best students has moved to a private school and that more than half of the names on his role are absent. On the plus side, there are a few promising names on the roll and a few older kids to keep them in line. Apart from an impressive resume, not much is known about Mr. Noble's teaching abilities and whether he'll be able to get his new class back on track. I guess we'll have to wait until mid-semester to check back in. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gs2npcPSFQ Ken Hinkley After a handful of years teaching in the country, Mr. Hinkley returned to the big smoke to mold some urban minds. https://twitter.com/7AFL/status/996250625401765888 Still a country man at heart, Hinkley still speaks with a bit of a twang and isn't averse to some blue language here or there. In the past year, he has taken his class of under achievers to academic prominence, so much so he was interviewed for the Principal's role late last year. His ability to empower junior students to take the step towards adulthood and senior education has made him a favourite amongst parents. Notorious for his strict detention protocols, Mr. Hinkley keeps his kids on their toes, however, his willingness to celebrate their victories - and share a few quiet, post graduation stubbies - sees him as one of the school's most popular teachers. Damien Hardwick If ever there was a teaching career that embodied the phrase ‘from boiled lollies to chocolates' it is that of Mr. Hardwick's Less than a decade ago, Hardwick seemed destined for the dole line after his student's annually failed major assessments. However, after changing his pedagogical approach from fire and brimstone to mellow and understanding, Mr. Hardwick quickly rose from teaching the most at risk students to the school's principal. With that being said, he's still known to tongue lash class clowns when needed. Still riding on a high from another banner year as head honcho, expect him to keep his nametag on his office door for a few more years yet. https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1322038320226922499 Brett Ratten After an extended sabbatical undertaken for personal reasons and a period spent learning from former Principal Clarkson, Mr. Ratten is back in the classroom. Tasked with turning around the borderline hopeless class from the school's southern wing, Mr. Ratten achieved wonders in his first full year after empowering the entirety of his class roll. Recently, Mr. Ratten's class has been the landing place for many of the school's transfer students and despite previously being educated elsewhere, his young class has gelled well. Mr. Ratten quickly won his students over with his buoyant approach to educating and his methodology of teaching well beyond the syllabus guidelines. Although many have enjoyed similar success with his class, only one previous teacher has managed to see them graduate with straight A's. https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1203237313947398144 John Longmire Mr. Longmire runs his class a little differently to others. He isn't there simply to educate you, he's there to better you. Longmire is notoriously scrupulous when it comes to picking his class roll, with his ‘no d***head policy' famous amongst staff members. Many troubled kids have been culled along the way with those of moral fibre replacing them. Detention doesn't exist in his classroom; he'll just turf you when you act up. After a lengthy period turning quiet achievers into valedictorians, akin to Clarkson, Mr. Longmire has returned to the junior school hell bent on bettering the school's freshest enrollees. https://twitter.com/AFLPlayers/status/752803163267227648 Adam Simpson As a high-ranking member of the school's senior teaching team, Adam Simpson has some clout around the staff room, even though he's only been in the job six years. Mr. Simpson's straight A class of 2018 will no doubt keep him in the job until tenure, but with his pupil's test results flagging of late, he has begun to follicly age noticeably. Due to teaching from a demountable on the school's western boundary, much of Mr. Simpson's approach and educational successes fly under the radar, but when end of year reports are released, it is usually his class with the best ATAR scores. https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1113689010570817536 Luke Beveridge After the amazing success he had with his class of 2016, Mr. Beveridge was taken out of the classroom and appointed as the school's guidance counselor. However, just remember, when you enter his office, it isn't Mr. Beveridge, it's just ‘Bevo'. With the ability to speak allegorically or his propensity to kicking back with some unknown indie tracks, Bevo has a cult following amongst the school's non-conformist crowd. More likely to join smoking students than to confiscate their illegal wares, Bevo is also a favourite amongst the burnouts. Ever the environmentalist, you won't see his Kingswood in the staff carpark, as his longboard is his usual mode of transport. Despite a lack of collared shirts and disdain for close toed shoes, Bevo does take his role as an educator seriously – he's just more Coltrane than Chopin. https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1006035657058205696

If all 18 AFL coaches were school teachers

We’ve seen them hot gospelling at quarter time, but how about in the classroom?

Adam Simpson

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